Lenka @ OU...

my dear blog;

it was a blast... luckily a dear fren of mine agree to company me that day... owe you one dude!... here goes the pics... just enjoy the show... *smile*

"i wanna be free

i wanna be new and different..."

-Lenka-

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tolong lah!

my dear blog;

please... please... please... don't be a denial will ya?... u make me sick!!! stop asking me the question that you already had the answer...

sabar itu ada had nya... jangan sampai satu hari nanti hati aku mati!... even though it's already halfway dead!


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angin pagi...

my dear blog;

bila aku memandu pagi ni, sengaja aku off air cond dan turun kan tingkap kereta... aku ingin menikmati angin pagi... aku perlukan 'silence' dan angin pagi... aku harap angin pagi boleh 'sejuk' kan aku... all this 'situation' has turned me to become a harsh person... i need to cool down a bit... because this is not really me... why on earth i become like this... fara, tenang tenang ok...

"i'm sorry and dun mean to be harsh..."


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let it be...

my dear blog;


sudah 2hb Ogos, masa cepat berlalu.... at one moment you are some one's special then one moment you are no longer needed... and another one moment you decide not to have any connection with that person anymore... time changed... so do people... you change... i change too... so you can't expect much... maybe it's normal... maybe it's not... maybe you need changes so that you can be a better person... i've made a huge sacrifice... a huge decision so that i don't have to think what might happen next... and i have to be firm this time... a fren told me that i always think about other people's heart... just swallow and act like that is ok... which is NOT!... and ignore my heart... so now, it's time for me to take care of my own heart... do what ever i wanna do, just be me... firm with the decision that i've made... stop thinking what might happen next... just let it be... yup! let it be....


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it is because what’ve said is done….

my dear blog;

i will be fine... it's just a matter of time... that's the only thing i keep telling to myself everyday when i wake up from sleep... because i know mourn and regrets for what had happen doesn't help at all... things will get worst... i have to be strong... really strong this time... *sigh*

masa, cepatlah berlalu...
sabar dan sabar sebab benda yg jadi ada hikmahnya...


note: i'm sorry if lately i treat you badly... i just need more times to be alone...


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drama o' rama...

my dear blog;

all i have to do now is just smile and enjoy the show… i bet this will be the best drama ever - the unreleased one!

yup! i still hate fucking LIAR


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pelik tapi benar...

my dear blog;

ok, now i'm confused... pelik tapi benar?...


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it's too late...

my dear blog;

it's too late to turn away... the rest of us... move on... 

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demam...

my dear blog;

hari ni aku bangun dgn satu perasaan pelik... rasa mcm kehilangan... dan dalam masa yg sama aku rasa kepala aku berat, badan sakit sakit, hidung mata terasa panas... sah! aku demam... dengan mata sembab aku ke telephone rumah, aku dail satu number... a huge relief after the long conversation… thanks dear friend, i owe u one… then aku semacam sedar, this is not the end, hidup perlu diteruskan just smile and enjoy the life while you still have the time…

received sms from dad:

abah: kak, sabtu ini kita ke PD kakak ikut tak?
aku : orang demam, takut tak larat nak drive.
abah: kakak demam. Datang ke PD, kita tidur pada malam ahad, semua ada, bang ain, bang jo, adik. APT telah di booking.

aku baca dgn berkerut, cuba nak faham… perasan tak struktur bahasa abah aku tuh… hahahaha agakla kan… bekas cikgu sastera tingkatan 6 atas punya bahasa mmg macam tu kot… haha … aku tak jawab, aku takut dia perasan anak perempuan dia yang sorang ni tengah hati tidak tenang… aku takut nak pergi, dengan mata sembab segala… tapi sempat jugak aku gelak baca sms dia… then aku reply:

aku: tgk la kalau org larat nak drive.

few mins after that, mak plak call, mcm tau tau jek… tanya kan khabar aku semua… “are you ok?” aku terus sebak… aku cerita semua… then mak reply “i dun mind if u suka org rambut panjang ke, org lagi muda ke, tak hensem ke or apa apa ajala, as long as u r happy and dia mampu and ada future”… aku diam jek, tahan sebak… my super cool mom, mak mmg cool even though kat luar dia nampak mcm agak konservatif tapi… inside, she’s damn cool… dia mmg tak kisah and memilih... dia mmg nak anak perempuan sorg dia nih happy… pada dia yang lain tak penting, yang penting aku happy... tapi aku mcm sedikit fail dlm hal hal mcm nih… aku diam jek… conversation end dgn last word dari dia “just take care of yourself… i’ll see you at PD”

[diam]

aku termenung, aku bangga aku ada family yg sangat under standing… even though recently aku mcm ada sedikit distance dengan diorg tapi my mom especially semacam ada instinct yang kuat, every time aku rasa down automatic dia akan call… so i should thank to god that my life is not that bad at all… semuanya bergantung pada diri aku sendiri, aku kena kuat dan aku ada kawan kawan yang selalu support aku dari belakang… yes! this is not the end… this is just a good beginning… *senyum*


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staring at the fucking dead monitor…

my dear blog;

here i am at the office… staring at the monitor and obviously, my heart, my soul are not here with me… at this moment i just look at the bright side… maybe it’s better that way… maybe this is just a life journey to make me to be a better person… or maybe there's a story behind the reason given... i don't know and don't give a damn... and i don't want to think about it now... i just need space to make myself clear with this shit... but seriously, through sms??!!! *blugrh*

shit happen sometimes… and i don't want against the nature and wish for a time machine so that i can turn back time and fix everything... yup, no need to blame anyone here... not your fault anyway... maybe 'dah takde rezeki' - typical word for giving up... just let it be... oh ya! lets be friend and have a group hug!

ergh! i wish i had enough strength to go through this…


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lain...

my dear blog;

breath in.... breath out.... [pause]

things are different now... don't you think??


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hati, tabah la...

my dear blog;

i hope i can fix everything and put it nicely in place... and everyone is happy and i don't have to make any choice... but i know, sooner or later, have to make one... and i don't want to be selfish... 

"aku tau, bila dia pergi 

aku pasti akan rindu dia...."

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little miss grumpy...

my dear blog;

not enough sleep, ‘sucky’ morning shift has turn me to an irate person… please bare with me… i’m sorry if I accidentally hurt someone’s heart… but do please understand my situation as I’m not a morning person and i’m trying so fucking hard to adapt with the shift life pattern… and maybe i will not satisfy or full fill your request or demand as what u want… but this is only for temporary… after two weeks when I’m in the evening shift I will be the normal fara…

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this is for Helda...

dear my blog;

happy birthday to you my dear other half... may all your dreams come true... aku tak sabar nak tunggu anak comel dari kau *hopefully ikut genetik ko, kalau genetik ejoy aku tak sure la comel ke tak* ... well, harap2 ko boleh join trip bandung nov nih... *haish, aku menaip kat sini mcm aku takbleh nak call cakap direct kat ko je kan* ... anggap je la hari nih aku ter-extra 'suwit' ...

notes: sorry tak dapat reply sms ko tadi, aku nye credit dah habis... ada present ko tunggu je la...

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rindu [II]...

my dear blog;

things are getting better and better... except for one... i miss my bestfriend HELDA... * rindu nak curhat :( *...


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keinginan...

my dear blog;

saya nak kurus lagi... boleh? 

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again...

my dear blog;

again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again ....

... it's like the never ending story....

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feed me if you love me...

my dear blog;

aku dah start keje di tempat baru dan berkerja sebagai pekerja shift... yup! back to square one and i'm working at Shell IT, Cyberjaya... tapi takpe asalkan weekend aku adalah off day! hehehe... keje tak tentu masa nih penat dia lain macam dan kengkadang bila kita habis keje tuh kita macam mengharapkan sesuatu yang menarik akan berlaku a.k.a yang boleh buat otak kita lega dan tersenyum sepanjang hari... *panjang la pulak intro nye kan?*... something big or maybe huge in mylife happen last monday... and until today aku mcm tak percaya akhirnya benda yang aku selalu angankan berlaku... this maybe not a big deal to you but to me IT IS a big deal!...

r: u, bak kunci apartment u
m: ha? nak buat pe?
r: i nak beli brg dapo, i nak masak utk u
m: *gelak* bia bena!

aku kasik jek la kunci rumah... aku cuma bayang kan masakan yang biasa biasa saja... then aku pergi keje with the big question mark inside my head... apa seh dia nih? bia bena?

habis office hour dia dah tunggu depan office senyum2 dalam JoJet *ye dia drive JoJet, the only person yg aku benarkan drive JoJet - something new for me*... masuk dlm JoJet ada bau seakan bawang... hahaa aku tgk muka dia, dia senyum senyum, rasa nak sekeh pon ada...

dan mmg dia masak something utk aku... i was speechless... jawdrops... nak nangis pon ada... sangat2 terharu... touching at the same time... i dunno... an amazing feelings that i never had before... and i'm out of words so, let the pictures tell the story...

YUP!... angle hair Bolognese Sauce with Seafood and chocolate fried ice cream!!!! need i say more!!! *thanks for the lovely dinner dear love... u rock my world \m/*

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kissing the lipless...

my dear blog;

entahla mcm tak faham.... bila dah cuba nak faham... tiba tiba mcm lagi susah nak faham.... macam ada sedikit penat... tapi biasala aku... kunyah dan telan sahaja... selalu berkata 'tidak apa'... selalu menenangkan hati... cuba nak fahami... mungkin aku sudah 'heartless'... atau mungkin di sana yg 'heartless'... merasa yang benda itu tidak apa... tapi aku? lihat, tonton dan senyum? senyum ajakah yang mampu aku buat?... atau aku sahaja seorang ratu drama... ahhhh! alangkah mudahnya kalau aku boleh berkata selamba... aku tak suka itu dan ini... tanpa fikir rasionalnya permintaan aku itu... entahla, sebelum berkata selalu nya aku akan diam dan fikir baik baik... hendak bercakap tentang ini sanggup aku tukarkan kepada yang itu... sebab aku adalah penjaga hati... ya itu aku, penjaga hati orang, bukan hati sendiri... *tak paham? sila abaikan sebab ini tidak ada kena mengena pada sesiapa*


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is it normal?... or it's just me?...

my dear blog;

i don't feel right... i don't know why... i have good instinct and its never failed me... but this time, should i trust it?... or is it the same thing, the same cycle and the same lame lie?... *dear GOD, please show me the sign*



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kenapa ubat dicipta punya rasa yang tak sedap?

my dear blog;

muka panas...
hidung sumbat...
pening kepala...
hidung rasa cam nak meletup...


yup! aku DEMAM! *takmo makan ubat bleh tak?*


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the reality bites...

my dear blog;

the fun is over… i need to pull the hand break and wake up… this is the reality that I have to face and no more fantasies… like what i wrote before, i think about many things lately… but i guess i have to take care of my heart more… and think about my priority in life… ahhh silly me… i know about the risk from the first day i say yes to myself… so this is it… face it and swallow it slowly… yup! smile more even though it’s a fake one… *smile*


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the unsolved mysteries...

my dear blog;

i wonder, where can i buy time to develope this... it's been ages... *sigh*

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hujan dah turun... tapi kenapa hati masih tak tenang???...

my dear blog;



hujan turun lebat tadi... sengaja aku keluarkan kepala di birai tingkap bilik... sejuk... out of sudden, i feel like i wanna cry... crap! "why?" i asked myself... i've been thinking about many things lately... about what will i do tomorrow... about what will happen next... about what had happened... about the secret that i keep... about the risk that i take... about the things that i worried of... about how to take care of my own heart because to please other people is not that easy... almost about everything... the more than 1 hour conversation with a friend really make me relief... a huge relief... she said "you are the chosen one... tuhan turun kan dugaan tu untuk org yang terpilih je... benda benda nih semua akan buat kau jadi lebih matang"... thanks dear... i owe u one *hugs*... being a jobless for nearly 3 months is not a good thing to me and i believe to other people too... freelance job is not enough for a person who have the commitment like me... but i know.... satu hari nanti everything will be smooth... much better than before... mungkin akan menjadi terlebih lebih baik dari sekarang... i pray hard for this... i really am... *smile*... to me its just a phase for me to be a better person... menjadi orang yang lebih kuat ... i know i can get through this... i know... everything will be ok... everything will be back on track soon... *amin*

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hell yeah!!! another good news for coffee lover!!!

my dear blog;

ahhhhhh~ *sipping my vanilla latte*


by Lucy Danziger, SELF Editor-in-Chief a Yahoo! Health
Expert for Women's Health

9 Reasons to Drink More Coffee!

It helps you shed pounds
People who drank more metabolism-firing caffeine gained less weight over 12 years than those who cut back on the coffee, say researchers at the Harvard School of Public Health in Boston.


It powers your workouts
Downing coffee and toast between back-to-back workouts can keep you humming, a study from the Journal of Applied Physiology reports. Athletes who drank a caffeinated carbohydrate beverage after cycling had 66 percent more glycogen (an energy reserve) in their muscles than those who had a caffeine-free version. Replenishing glycogen helps you go farther and faster in your next session. Do you run on caffeine?


It helps you wake up refreshed
Drinking a cup of coffee immediately before taking a 15- to 30-minute catnap can leave you alert and rested after waking up, according to research from The Sleep Research Centre, Loughborough University in Leicestershire, England. Caffeine takes a half hour to kick in, so it will rouse you after a short snooze. Try these tips to sleep your way gorgeous.


It can ward off illness
Increasing your coffee intake may prevent liver cancer, The National Institute of Environmental Medicine in Stockholm, Sweden, finds. Two cups of java daily lowered a person's risk by 43 percent on average. In another study from University of Minnesota at Minneapolis, women who drank coffee had a 24 percent lower risk of dying from heart disease and other inflammatory conditions. Antioxidants in coffee are likely behind the protective benefits.


It can ease muscle cramps
Women who had the caffeine equivalent of two cups of coffee the day after their quadriceps were stimulated (as if they'd done squats) felt 48 percent less leg pain within an hour, research from the University of Georgia in Athens reveals. Caffeine may block the body's receptors for the ouch-causing chemical adenosine, scientists speculate.


It makes cardio feel like a cinch
Women given the caffeine equivalent of about two cups of coffee an hour before cycling reported 40 percent less pain than those who went decaf, according to a study from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. Caffeine seems to block neurotransmitters that signal discomfort during exercise, researchers say.


It helps you get want you want
Dealing with a difficult person? Broach a tough topic over a cup of joe. Caffeine may make people more open to persuasion, the European Journal of Social Psychology notes. Researchers say it hones cognitive function, causing skeptics to be more receptive to a convincing case.


It may fight breast cancer
Young women drinking four or more cups of caffeinated coffee daily reduced their breast cancer risk by 40 percent compared with nondrinkers, a study in the Journal of Nutrition finds. The caffeine and polyphenols in regular coffee protect against cancer. Worried about getting the jitters? Even two cups every day can help. And try these risk-reducing recipes as well.


It improves recall!
Caffeine perks up short-term memory, a study from the Medical University of Innsbruck in Austria reveals. One cup of coffee may be all it takes; drink it before a big meeting to be your sharpest.


Want a delicious, lowfat treat that packs coffee's powerful punch? Bake up a batch of warm chocolate cakes with coffee creme anglaise. *yowzaaa!!!*


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fara and he met after she bought him a cute lion face t-shirt from malacca *buat muka ngade*...

my dear blog;



1,2 - 1 2 3 4
give me more lovin then i've ever had.
make it all better when i'm feelin sad.
tell me that i'm special even when i know i'm not.
make me feel good when i hurt so bad.
barely gettin mad,
im so glad i found you.
i love bein around you.
you make it easy,
as easy as 1 2,(1 2 3 4.)
theres only one thing two do three words four you.
i love you.
(i love you)
theres only one way two say those three words
and that's what i'll do.
i love you.
(i love you)
give me more lovin from the very start.
piece me back together when i fall apart.
tell me things you never even tell your closest friends.
make me feel good when i hurt so bad.
best that i've had.
im so glad that i found you.
i love bein around you.
you make it easy as easy as 1 2,(1 2 3 4.)
theres only one thing two do three words four you.
i love you.
(i love you)
theres only one way two say those three words
and that's what i'll do.
i love you.i love you
(i love you)
you make it easy, its easy as 1234
theres only one thing two do three words four you i love you
(i love you)
theres only one way two say those three words
thats what ill do i love you
(i love you)
i love you i love you.
one two three four i love you.
(iloveyou)
i love you
(i love you)


note: you tell me that i'm special even when i know i'm not... you make me feel good when i hurt so bad... thanks dear love *smile*

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rindu...

my dear blog;

sesungguh nya aku amat rindukan moment moment ini:

banyak lagi sebenarnya tapi tak larat... selebihnya di facebook hahaha... tak sabar nak tunggu next event!!!!

note: gamba sekitar Jelajah Malaysia 2009... ini di finish line di Genting

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the question they asked...

my dear blog;

the answer to the question ... "are u happy?" - YES!


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leaving the state...

my dear blog;

... for 8 days... wish me luck! *smile*

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note: gosh! miss someone so badly... i know both of us hoping for miracle to happen... kalau tuhan sudah tulis begitu...insyaallah we will find our happiness... just pray hard ok...

the fact is...

my dear blog;

... i'm jobless and busy with the job hunting... so this blog will be on hiatus mode for a while... will be back once everything is back on track... oh dear i want my life back...


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hello sweet april...

my dear blog;

1st:
march is not a good month for me… yeah shit happens but deep inside i feel extremely happy… and huge relief…

2nd:
i wish that everything will back on track as the soonest…

3rd:

i’m hopping for something that impossible to happen… and I wish that everything is as simple as it's suppose to be… *sigh*

4th:
yup, April… such a sweet month for me… an amazing adrenalin boosting event… a new adventure... a new addiction i guess… :)

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hot balloon... hot! heat! bang! bang!...

my dear blog;

selain dari mencuci mata... dan cuaca panas terik... dan aku sangat berharap aku masih berumur 21 tahun jadi aku masih boleh bermain mata dengan adik adik cute *sila refer ayat mencuci mata*... akhirnya hasil yang aku dapat seperti di bawah ini:

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:) ...

my dear blog;

smile a lot...
it costs nothing and is beyond price...


:)


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to let go...

my dear blog;

when everything is done... i will say the word ‘goodbye’...


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i'm addicted...

my dear blog;

bunyi ombak... bau laut... para backpackers yg ramah... pasir putih halus... bahang laut... hutan coral indah di dasar laut... cukup buat aku tenang dan lupa semua benda yang membebankan aku dan hidup aku yang sedikit dalam denial untuk satu dua hal... aku sudah ketagih dan aku akan kembali...

the tables at one of the beach club. cool huh?!

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mutual addiction...

my dear blog;

what i want is to be needed... what i need is to be indispensable to somebody... who i need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention... somebody addicted to me.... a mutual addiction...

note: via sixthsense

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mencuri masa...

my dear blog;

setelah saban hari mengadap screen bewarna biru... setelah saban hari mengadap coding coding statik yang memedihkan mata tak salah kan kalau lari sebentar ke pantai... tak sabar rasanya... harap harap semuanya berjalan dgn lancar... *post*

deeper conversation...

my dear blog;


Is your favourite colour blue?
Do you always tell the truth?
Do you believe in outerspace?
And im learning you

Is your skin as tanned as mine?
Does your hair flow sideways?
Did someone took a portion of your heart?
And im learning you

And if you dont mind
Can you tell me
All your hopes and fears and
Everything that you believe in
Would you make a difference in the world
I'd love for you to take me to a deeper conversation
Only you can make me
I let my guard down for you
And in time you will too....

Yuna - Deeper Conversation


i'm watching you from far... hope you doing well... can't wait for the next coversation... and can't wait for the next good surprise... *smile*

langit gelap tanda nak hujan, lalu....

my dear blog;

kami sepatutnya shoot layang layang yg berwarna warni dan langit biru dan awan putih bak kapas... tapi sebab nak hujan... we end up with below shots... and by the time aku taip ayat ni, i received a text msg dari HOD event Jelajah Malaysia "fara, when can i get those LTDL pics?".... dem! aku tak start apa lagi pun!!!!

eye bag yang agak teruk!

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gimme gimme gimme what i want....

my dear blog;

i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this... i want this...
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BADDDDDDDDDLYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!

aku yang sememangnya menginginkan sidekick phone :(

mana nak carik ek????....



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conversation among the ruin [lll]

my dear blog;

"true love doesn't have a happy ending... tau fara..." - an IM status from a dear friend... when i told her about the same repeating dreams that i had recently...

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everything's gonna be alright...

my dear blog...

when i woke up this morning i felt odd… semacam … the feel yang aku dah berbulan tak rasa… dan rasa yang aku cuba lupa… rasa kehilangan… rasa yang reality itu hanyala mimpi… tapi, ini lah reality… cuba tarik nafas dalam dalam … bernafas tenang… mimpi kan mainan syaitan… tarik selimut, cuba untuk duduk… berfikir seketika… aku tau semua nya akan baik baik sahaja… aku, dia, kami… walaupun punya kehidupan yang berbeza sekarang… tapi yang pasti masing masing punya hal masing masing dan semua nya baik baik sahaja...


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