Wednesday, March 31, 2010

phase two...

my dear blog;


"engkau mmg seorg yg pandai menipu
dan menghancurkan hidup yang begitu indah,
begitu indah..."
-by short term memory-



the hardest phase, the phase that you are trying to wake up from long sleep and keep telling to yourself that everything will be ok and you are doing the right thing... i should take advice from frens few months ago when they said "he just treat you as a friend with benefits"... yah my fault, i should listen to them but there's no way to turn back time... sekarang, aku tak perlu fikir benda benda yang dah lepas, aku ada tanggungjawab untuk benda benda yang akan dtg... i know i can get through this... yang selebih nya aku serah pada tuhan, tuhan itu maha adil... things happen with a reason... karma pasti akan menjalankan tugasnya...

p/s: i fucking hate you!

*post*

Monday, March 29, 2010

phase one...

my dear blog;

have you watched sex and the city? not the sex part la, but the part that carrie choose to sleep and avoiding sun light during her vacation at mexico, when her heart was hurt so bad... that's what i want to do right now, i just want to sleep 24x7, cover all my window with dark curtain, switch off my mobile and stay away from the outside world... especially FB!

the part that carrie decided to switch on her phone and once the phone was on, she heard mr.big's voice through the voicemail and she threw the phone into the sea... i cried everytime i watched that part... i can feel her emotions that time...

i thought i dun have to get through this again since the last 1 year plus tragedy... but hey! here i am... again... i thought it is easy as it is suppose to be... but i know it's just a matter of time... i just need to get busy... and i will be ok....


*post*

Sunday, March 28, 2010

to let go...

my dear blog;

it's been the hardest week for me... a sad week... a week that i give all my best to think positive... i don't know what you've told them about me... but it's ok because god knows everything... i just need to stay calm and smile... i gave all my all to be there whenever you need help... without saying the word 'NO', i dun have to list them because i bet you are adult enough to think...

gosh! i just hope i have strength to be strong and act like nothing had happen... but this is not my game... anyway, you will be ok without me...

you are probably the best thing that ever happen to me, but i guess we should stay as what a friend should be...

to let go someone that you are really love is hard, but if this is for their own good and happiness, it's ok to sacrifice...


*post*

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

beyond limitation...

my dear blog;

sabar itu ada had nya... jgn sampai satu hari nanti hati aku mati... aku ada pride, jangan buat aku sembarang sembarang... ergh! how i wish i have the guts to open my mouth to tell the truth beneath those lies... sampai demam2 aku fikir benda nih for the whole tiring week... otak aku dah penat, jantung aku sakit sebb tahan kan sedih dan marah... selagi aku boleh bertahan, aku bertahan... tapi itulah, jangan sampai hati aku mati...


*post*

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

lets...

my dear blog;

if this is the game that you wanna play... bring it on!... but seriously, i dun need to try or play hard... i just need to stand silently, watching or let myself lost... and smile... i dun need to bring a whole team like you... it's just me.. just laugh at me if you want to, because at the end of the game i know i will have my big, wide victory smile...


*post*

Thursday, March 18, 2010

bullet proof... i wish i was...

my dear blog;


"limb by limb and tooth by tooth...
tearing up inside of me...
everyday, everyhour, wish that I was..
was bullet proof..."




{sebak}



aku kalah!



aku kalah menahan air mata jatuh hari ini.... dugaan besar sungguh...

aku mengangkat kedua tangan... aku mengaku kalah... tak tertahan rasanya... hati, jantung aku luluh... tak pernah aku rasa kecewa yg mcm ini... aku kalah... terduduk aku, diam... tanpa suara air mata aku jatuh...



hari ini aku akan tekan butang 'stop'...
jangan risau, aku akan tetap menjadi seorang kawan yang baik...



dan untuk mereka,
aku maafkan mereka sebb mereka tidak tahu apa apa...
dan kalau tahu pun pasti jalan cerita nya sudah berbeza...



*post*

the escape...

my dear blog;

after working my ass off for the whole tiring month, yesterday's Placebo show and a kara'tak'oke session after work today really make me forget all the stress at work and daily life... two amazing days yang buat aku lupa pada all the mess inside my head, the choice that i have to make, the misprinted lies, being invisible, the fight to survive, just everything!... otak jadi kosong dan lega sebentar... *phew!*


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Sunday, March 14, 2010

futterwacken dance mode on....

my dear blog;

everything is back on track... i guess... i just need to smile more and start counting the day... Perth, here i commmmmeeeeeeee~!!!

[sambil buat Futterwacken dance]



*post*

Thursday, March 11, 2010

akulah penyabar yang tegar....

my dear blog;

terasa palat sangat bila diperbodohkan... serius palat!


*post*

Thursday, March 04, 2010

p.e "pe", n.a.t "nat", penat!...

my dear blog;

penat... byk jenis... penat kerja (semestinya) penat sebb asyik tido jek (yup! ada gak kes nih)... tapi penat kali ni penat lain...

penat #1:
penat untuk jadi visible... bila kita dah cuba sampai tahap kedelapan, tapi kita masih invisible.... yang mungkin nilai kita kurang kalau dibanding yang lain... sampai satu tahap kita rasa kita dah malas dan mcm nak tarik diri, tapi, kita tak boleh... penat bila kita berusaha jadi pendengar setia... tapi bila giliran kita mau suara kita, aduan kita di dengari, org yg di harapkan tiada emosi... yup! kita masih invisible... tapi, terang2 tidak pada orang lain... ini jelas bila setiap masa kita hanya dengar kebaikan tentang pihak di sana... dia mcm ni, dia mcm tu, best gila dia ni... kita? "maaf saya tidak nampak kamu", mungkin itu jawapan di hati... rupanya baru kita tau, yang kita ni cuma orang 'biasa biasa'...

penat #2:
bila orang asing yang kita tak perlu, datang menjajah di sudut selesa kita... tempat bermain kita yang sangat kita sukai jadi tempat yang paling tak selesa buat kita... haish! saya paling tak suka drama swasta... sila buat drama di tempat lain.... boleh?

penat #3:
nak kasi orang faham kedudukan kita, ketidakselesaan kita, sampai kita takut nak bersuara... terusnya... kita ikut kan aja kehendak mereka... anggukan kepala ajalah dari melarat jadi isu semasa...

mungkin penat-penat tu bukan aku je yang rasa, semua org rasa... yelah sape yang tak penat ye tak? bionic la kalau tak penat... cuma kadang2 kita perlukan ruang atau cuba untuk bukak mulut cakap benda yang kita penat pada org yang buat kita penat... tapi sebb kita suka jaga hati orang, kita senyum kan aja... atau mungkin orang itu orang asing, kita pula bukan jenis yang nak tanpa segan silu kasik nota buat teguran atau kita rasa tiada untung nya kalau kita jadi peramah tak bertempat, jadi kita lihat dan tonton ajalah... macamana ek, nak ada guts nak kasitau orang yang kita tak suka itu dan tidak boleh untuk ini, sebb kita tau bila kita cakap, kita kena marah balik... mmg tanggungjawab kita ek untuk jaga hati semua orang? tapi hati kita macamana? penat kan?


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