it is because what’ve said is done….

my dear blog;

i will be fine... it's just a matter of time... that's the only thing i keep telling to myself everyday when i wake up from sleep... because i know mourn and regrets for what had happen doesn't help at all... things will get worst... i have to be strong... really strong this time... *sigh*

masa, cepatlah berlalu...
sabar dan sabar sebab benda yg jadi ada hikmahnya...


note: i'm sorry if lately i treat you badly... i just need more times to be alone...


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drama o' rama...

my dear blog;

all i have to do now is just smile and enjoy the show… i bet this will be the best drama ever - the unreleased one!

yup! i still hate fucking LIAR


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pelik tapi benar...

my dear blog;

ok, now i'm confused... pelik tapi benar?...


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it's too late...

my dear blog;

it's too late to turn away... the rest of us... move on... 

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demam...

my dear blog;

hari ni aku bangun dgn satu perasaan pelik... rasa mcm kehilangan... dan dalam masa yg sama aku rasa kepala aku berat, badan sakit sakit, hidung mata terasa panas... sah! aku demam... dengan mata sembab aku ke telephone rumah, aku dail satu number... a huge relief after the long conversation… thanks dear friend, i owe u one… then aku semacam sedar, this is not the end, hidup perlu diteruskan just smile and enjoy the life while you still have the time…

received sms from dad:

abah: kak, sabtu ini kita ke PD kakak ikut tak?
aku : orang demam, takut tak larat nak drive.
abah: kakak demam. Datang ke PD, kita tidur pada malam ahad, semua ada, bang ain, bang jo, adik. APT telah di booking.

aku baca dgn berkerut, cuba nak faham… perasan tak struktur bahasa abah aku tuh… hahahaha agakla kan… bekas cikgu sastera tingkatan 6 atas punya bahasa mmg macam tu kot… haha … aku tak jawab, aku takut dia perasan anak perempuan dia yang sorang ni tengah hati tidak tenang… aku takut nak pergi, dengan mata sembab segala… tapi sempat jugak aku gelak baca sms dia… then aku reply:

aku: tgk la kalau org larat nak drive.

few mins after that, mak plak call, mcm tau tau jek… tanya kan khabar aku semua… “are you ok?” aku terus sebak… aku cerita semua… then mak reply “i dun mind if u suka org rambut panjang ke, org lagi muda ke, tak hensem ke or apa apa ajala, as long as u r happy and dia mampu and ada future”… aku diam jek, tahan sebak… my super cool mom, mak mmg cool even though kat luar dia nampak mcm agak konservatif tapi… inside, she’s damn cool… dia mmg tak kisah and memilih... dia mmg nak anak perempuan sorg dia nih happy… pada dia yang lain tak penting, yang penting aku happy... tapi aku mcm sedikit fail dlm hal hal mcm nih… aku diam jek… conversation end dgn last word dari dia “just take care of yourself… i’ll see you at PD”

[diam]

aku termenung, aku bangga aku ada family yg sangat under standing… even though recently aku mcm ada sedikit distance dengan diorg tapi my mom especially semacam ada instinct yang kuat, every time aku rasa down automatic dia akan call… so i should thank to god that my life is not that bad at all… semuanya bergantung pada diri aku sendiri, aku kena kuat dan aku ada kawan kawan yang selalu support aku dari belakang… yes! this is not the end… this is just a good beginning… *senyum*


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staring at the fucking dead monitor…

my dear blog;

here i am at the office… staring at the monitor and obviously, my heart, my soul are not here with me… at this moment i just look at the bright side… maybe it’s better that way… maybe this is just a life journey to make me to be a better person… or maybe there's a story behind the reason given... i don't know and don't give a damn... and i don't want to think about it now... i just need space to make myself clear with this shit... but seriously, through sms??!!! *blugrh*

shit happen sometimes… and i don't want against the nature and wish for a time machine so that i can turn back time and fix everything... yup, no need to blame anyone here... not your fault anyway... maybe 'dah takde rezeki' - typical word for giving up... just let it be... oh ya! lets be friend and have a group hug!

ergh! i wish i had enough strength to go through this…


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lain...

my dear blog;

breath in.... breath out.... [pause]

things are different now... don't you think??


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hati, tabah la...

my dear blog;

i hope i can fix everything and put it nicely in place... and everyone is happy and i don't have to make any choice... but i know, sooner or later, have to make one... and i don't want to be selfish... 

"aku tau, bila dia pergi 

aku pasti akan rindu dia...."

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little miss grumpy...

my dear blog;

not enough sleep, ‘sucky’ morning shift has turn me to an irate person… please bare with me… i’m sorry if I accidentally hurt someone’s heart… but do please understand my situation as I’m not a morning person and i’m trying so fucking hard to adapt with the shift life pattern… and maybe i will not satisfy or full fill your request or demand as what u want… but this is only for temporary… after two weeks when I’m in the evening shift I will be the normal fara…

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