a note to myself...

my dear blog;

"buat baik berpada - pada..." [senyum]

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it's just another chapter, dun close the book yet, just turn the pages :)

my dear blog;

"bangun fara! jangan tido lagi!!!"

hectic! the only word to explain what is happening along the week... kesibukan di office yang tak pernah ada button pause... the competition to be a better staff buat otak aku jadi penat, kadang2 tak terkejar... tapi selagi ada peluang aku akan cuba sehabis baik...

ye saya sudah pulang ke malaysia... dah 1 week dah... everything was amazing... the priceless experience that i couldn't pay...

balik2 dari cuti mcm2 benda terjadi... but i guess itu semua dugaan dugaan dari tuhan yg perlu aku tempuhi satu, satu... takpe... it's just a phase for me to be a better person... a lesson to be learnt... aku pernah hadapai benda lagi besar dari ini, tapi aku mampu go through every single bit of it and i know this time aku juga boleh... dugaan dugaan ni buat aku lebih bersedia dan lebih matang *senyum* dun get me wrong i'm not pointing my finger to anyone it's just a note to myself...

at this point, i just want to be a good daughter to my mom and dad, a daughter to be proud of... it's time to push the 'stop' button... enough with the worthless fun, it's time for me to focus for my future... i have carrier, i have important business project and other priority to think of... i dun need other distraction to make me weak...

saya nak jadik anak yang baik untuk abah dan mak saya dan kawan yang di sayangi di kalangan kawan kawan saya... kalau semua itu termakbul saya dah tak perlu apa apa dah *senyum*



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leaving the country...

my dear blog;

for a week... perth here i come... can't wait to wear all the amazing winter clothes... high cut boot, beret, leather jacket tanpa rasa ketiak berpeluh deras... oh i love 4 season country... goodbye malaysia, hello perth... *wink*


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how far do you know...how much is too much?...

my dear blog,

bila semua sudah tak tertampung... dan melampaui batas... manusia biasa pon boleh bertukar jadi makhluk hijau... amarah yg tak terbendung... bila kesabaran di cabar... bila rasa diri dipijak mcm benda yg tak bernilai...

i've done something bad today... and i've used the harsh word to someone and i'm not happy with that... but what can i say... manusia ada paras dan level kesabaran masing masing... aku tak pernah segarang begini... tapi hari ini aku sendiri mcm tak kenal diri sendiri.... bila kita cuba untuk terangkan keadaan dlm keadaan tenang tapi setiap ayat dipotong tanpa diberi peluang... mmg melampaui batas kesabaran...

salah kah meminta hak kita? bukan niat untuk menagih nagih... pada mulanya peranan kita hanya sebagai si 'pemberi' dan tiba2 bila kita mahukan hak kita kembali kenapa kita kena mainkan peranan sebagai si 'penerima'? meminta minta... dan kita pula yg digelar si 'penerima' yang menagih dan memeras... this is too much!

lama aku termenung... aku tak mahu 'situasi situasi' itu menukarkan aku menjadi seorang yang garang dan tak berasas... aku mahukan diri aku yang dulu... seriously, i'm not proud with what i've done today... aku jadi sedih bila keadaan menjadi keruh dari yang sepatutnya...


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redemption...

my dear blog;

alhamdulillah...

bila tuhan tutup satu pintu untuk kita, dia akan buka pintu yang lain, yang mungkin lagi bagus dari yang lepas... yesterday's phone called dari mak betul2 buat aku rasa tak sabar utk tunggu apa yang dirancang menjadi kenyataan... alhamdulillah...

and i know, everything gonna be ok... semua akan berada di landasan nye kembali... and me, i'm gonna make sure all my plans menjadi seperti yang di rancang... dan terus percaya, bila kita buat baik dengan orang, one day kita akan dapat redemption yang baik juga dari tuhan...


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phase four... {the last phase}

my dear blog;

;-)

"menarilah dan terus tertawa
walau dunia tak seindah surga
bersukurlah pada yang kuasa
cinta kita di dunia

selamanya..."

-nidji-

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phase three...

my dear blog;

i should come out and face the sunlight... thus, i pack my backpack... heading to an island...

perhentian kecil revisiting...

p/s: i start to eat something today... a good sign huh?



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phase two...

my dear blog;

"engkau mmg seorg yg pandai menipu
dan menghancurkan hidup yang begitu indah,
begitu indah..."
-by short term memory-

the hardest phase, the phase that you are trying to wake up from long sleep and keep telling to yourself that everything will be ok and you are doing the right thing... i should take advice from frens few months ago when they said "he just treat you as a friend with benefits"... yah my fault, i should listen to them but there's no way to turn back time... sekarang, aku tak perlu fikir benda benda yang dah lepas, aku ada tanggungjawab untuk benda benda yang akan dtg... i know i can get through this... yang selebih nya aku serah pada tuhan, tuhan itu maha adil... things happen with a reason... karma pasti akan menjalankan tugasnya...

p/s: i fucking hate you!

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phase one...

my dear blog;

have you watched sex and the city? not the sex part la, but the part that carrie choose to sleep and avoiding sun light during her vacation at mexico, when her heart was hurt so bad... that's what i want to do right now, i just want to sleep 24x7, cover all my window with dark curtain, switch off my mobile and stay away from the outside world... especially FB!

the part that carrie decided to switch on her phone and once the phone was on, she heard mr.big's voice through the voicemail and she threw the phone into the sea... i cried everytime i watched that part... i can feel her emotions that time...

i thought i dun have to get through this again since the last 1 year plus tragedy... but hey! here i am... again... i thought it is easy as it is suppose to be... but i know it's just a matter of time... i just need to get busy... and i will be ok....


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to let go...

my dear blog;

it's been the hardest week for me... a sad week... a week that i give all my best to think positive... i don't know what you've told them about me... but it's ok because god knows everything... i just need to stay calm and smile... i gave all my all to be there whenever you need help... without saying the word 'NO', i dun have to list them because i bet you are adult enough to think...

gosh! i just hope i have strength to be strong and act like nothing had happen... but this is not my game... anyway, you will be ok without me...

you are probably the best thing that ever happen to me, but i guess we should stay as what a friend should be...

to let go someone that you are really love is hard, but if this is for their own good and happiness, it's ok to sacrifice...


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beyond limitation...

my dear blog;

sabar itu ada had nya... jgn sampai satu hari nanti hati aku mati... aku ada pride, jangan buat aku sembarang sembarang... ergh! how i wish i have the guts to open my mouth to tell the truth beneath those lies... sampai demam2 aku fikir benda nih for the whole tiring week... otak aku dah penat, jantung aku sakit sebb tahan kan sedih dan marah... selagi aku boleh bertahan, aku bertahan... tapi itulah, jangan sampai hati aku mati...


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lets...

my dear blog;

if this is the game that you wanna play... bring it on!... but seriously, i dun need to try or play hard... i just need to stand silently, watching or let myself lost... and smile... i dun need to bring a whole team like you... it's just me.. just laugh at me if you want to, because at the end of the game i know i will have my big, wide victory smile...


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bullet proof... i wish i was...

my dear blog;

"limb by limb and tooth by tooth...

tearing up inside of me...

everyday, everyhour, wish that I was..

was bullet proof..."

{sebak}



aku kalah!



aku kalah menahan air mata jatuh hari ini.... dugaan besar sungguh...

aku mengangkat kedua tangan... aku mengaku kalah... tak tertahan rasanya... hati, jantung aku luluh... tak pernah aku rasa kecewa yg mcm ini... aku kalah... terduduk aku, diam... tanpa suara air mata aku jatuh...



hari ini aku akan tekan butang 'stop'...
jangan risau, aku akan tetap menjadi seorang kawan yang baik...



dan untuk mereka,
aku maafkan mereka sebb mereka tidak tahu apa apa...
dan kalau tahu pun pasti jalan cerita nya sudah berbeza...



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the escape...

my dear blog;

after working my ass off for the whole tiring month, yesterday's Placebo show and a kara'tak'oke session after work today really make me forget all the stress at work and daily life... two amazing days yang buat aku lupa pada all the mess inside my head, the choice that i have to make, the misprinted lies, being invisible, the fight to survive, just everything!... otak jadi kosong dan lega sebentar... *phew!*


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futterwacken dance mode on....

my dear blog;

everything is back on track... i guess... i just need to smile more and start counting the day... Perth, here i commmmmeeeeeeee~!!!

[sambil buat Futterwacken dance]



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akulah penyabar yang tegar....

my dear blog;

terasa palat sangat bila diperbodohkan... serius palat!


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p.e "pe", n.a.t "nat", penat!...

my dear blog;

penat... byk jenis... penat kerja (semestinya) penat sebb asyik tido jek (yup! ada gak kes nih)... tapi penat kali ni penat lain...

penat #1:
penat untuk jadi visible... bila kita dah cuba sampai tahap kedelapan, tapi kita masih invisible.... yang mungkin nilai kita kurang kalau dibanding yang lain... sampai satu tahap kita rasa kita dah malas dan mcm nak tarik diri, tapi, kita tak boleh... penat bila kita berusaha jadi pendengar setia... tapi bila giliran kita mau suara kita, aduan kita di dengari, org yg di harapkan tiada emosi... yup! kita masih invisible... tapi, terang2 tidak pada orang lain... ini jelas bila setiap masa kita hanya dengar kebaikan tentang pihak di sana... dia mcm ni, dia mcm tu, best gila dia ni... kita? "maaf saya tidak nampak kamu", mungkin itu jawapan di hati... rupanya baru kita tau, yang kita ni cuma orang 'biasa biasa'...

penat #2:
bila orang asing yang kita tak perlu, datang menjajah di sudut selesa kita... tempat bermain kita yang sangat kita sukai jadi tempat yang paling tak selesa buat kita... haish! saya paling tak suka drama swasta... sila buat drama di tempat lain.... boleh?

penat #3:
nak kasi orang faham kedudukan kita, ketidakselesaan kita, sampai kita takut nak bersuara... terusnya... kita ikut kan aja kehendak mereka... anggukan kepala ajalah dari melarat jadi isu semasa...

mungkin penat-penat tu bukan aku je yang rasa, semua org rasa... yelah sape yang tak penat ye tak? bionic la kalau tak penat... cuma kadang2 kita perlukan ruang atau cuba untuk bukak mulut cakap benda yang kita penat pada org yang buat kita penat... tapi sebb kita suka jaga hati orang, kita senyum kan aja... atau mungkin orang itu orang asing, kita pula bukan jenis yang nak tanpa segan silu kasik nota buat teguran atau kita rasa tiada untung nya kalau kita jadi peramah tak bertempat, jadi kita lihat dan tonton ajalah... macamana ek, nak ada guts nak kasitau orang yang kita tak suka itu dan tidak boleh untuk ini, sebb kita tau bila kita cakap, kita kena marah balik... mmg tanggungjawab kita ek untuk jaga hati semua orang? tapi hati kita macamana? penat kan?


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a thank you note [ll] ...

my dear blog;

yesterday was a hectic day at office, i have to work until 1.30am on my birthday night!!!... sharp at 12 midnight, i received smses full of sweet birthday wish (thanks to all *smile*) but... except from someone... the person who quiet close to me (helda, you are the 'closest' one, dun worry, you are still my number 1 ahaha!) 1.30 am, i started to pack my stuff get ready to go back, still, no sign of sms from that person... i keep looking at my phone even though i know the phone is not vibrating or ringing... so i guess there's no wish from that person... i drove to home and rejected my office mate invitation to lepak at azwath because i have no mood to celebrate at all... and Mono was the cd that i played to layan my sad feelings (sedih gile, konon layan mono nak tambah sedihla... fara emo!) 2 am, i parked my car, still no sign of sms... so, that's it, mungkin dah tido... takpe adalah tu... later, maybe... aku berjalan lesu ke pintu apartment ku (ewah!) ... bukak pintu...

*tarik napas*

an amazing moment! quite a shock! someone holding a cake and sang a birthday song, a lil bit out of tune (yeah! not a good singer! hahahah!) but cukup buat aku terharu, yang kononnya nak emo terus tak jadik! hahahahhah!... auwwww!!! you such a [s + w + e + e + t] darl!!! the unexpected one, as always...

thank you so much! eventhough to some people this is nothing but this is 'something' for me... and i will remember this as a note to myself... one of the amazing moment in my life *smile*

ingatkan nak masak masak lagi.. ahah! demand tinggi! -ed


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a thank you note...

my dear blog,

terima kasih byk2 kepada yg dtg dan membeli... sgt2 menghargai.. insyaallah bulan depan kami akan buka lagi... it was an amazing experience!... online store will be up soon... i wish i can buy time...

thanks again... :)



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bila tokey kedai dah bercakap [ll] ...

my dear blog,



hey! hey!... AGAIN! yup! sekali lagi!... we gonna open a stall at Frinjan's event... with new stocks from japan, korea and our own frens wardrobe too! (hahahha!)... pre-loved to new love, vintage to brand new, small size to plus size you name it!... from shoes to bags... and cute accessories too!...

where?
dataran shah alam

when?
this saturday (6th february) from 5pm - 11pm

be there or be square!... so, mark you calendar... see you there! *hugs*


nota kaki : kindly spread this around. thanks :)



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