the speechless speech…

my dear blog,

when the trust cannot be trusted anymore, when the words cannot be written anymore

thus, i choose silence



*post*

the things we did to stay same...

my dear blog,

the laughter under the stars
the time you slept in my car
the people we made fun off
the walks we had in the rain
the places we used to hang

the things we did to stay same...


*post*

what u and i need...

my dear blog,

*post*

that's important...

my dear blog,

*post*

counting stars...

my dear blog,

"one day you may realize
you've lost the moon
while counting the stars..."
//{counting stars}

from my lil red book

*post*

it`s been a while huh?

ruin...

my dear blog,

"ruin is a gift...
ruin is the road for transformation..."
//{ruin}

from my lil red note book



*post*

my lil red note book...

my dear blog,

herph... saya penah beli buku nota kecil di ikea beberapa tahun lalu, dulu saya rajin tulis apa apa yg terlintas di kepala saya, small notes from the book that i read, interesting wordings from the movie that i watched etc, apa apa saja la yang rasa rasa nak tulis, even budget bulanan dan bila saya benci seseorg mmg habis la saya conteng kat buku nota merah tu (semestinya saya tak tulis di sini).

semalam saya kemas2 bilik komputer saya a.k.a bilik kerja saya, haha! mmg bersepah, sebb masih byk barang2 yg kat dalam kotak lagi (berpindah dari rumah 2 tingkat ke apartment kecil - byk barang terlebih) . saya buka balik, baca selai2 apa yg saya tulis dlm tuh hahaha! ini nota2 kecil yang dari 5 tahun lepas (kira2) jadi ada yg kelaka, yg buat saya kembali marah dan sedih.

tapi saya rasa sudah tiba masa saya share sedkit nota2 kecil dlm buku nota merah yg kecil dan comel tu di sini. nanti la bila ada masa saya post, sekarang kerja sangat membebankan, saya penat buat benda yang berulang ulang dan membosan kan. i need a new adventure, a new job? neahhh!!! i just can't wait to start my own business (apsal la loan bank ni lambat sgt nak approve) .

{wish me luck}

*post*

alhamdulillah...

my dear blog,

a next step in my career move {senyum}

"alhamdulillah"


*post*

arch[it]ect...

my dear blog;

my mom once asked;
"kalau ada bf nak bf keje apa?"

answer : architect mcm ted mosby hahahahha!


*post*

lets turn something random and turn into something awsome :) ...

my dear blog;

"it all began with a simple confession
you had an urge to kiss me and
i was on the verge to miss you
and it happen..."

but i guess it’s not the right time, and i hope we can just be friend… :)
but when the time will come, it will...
just give me some times...

[smile]


*post*

sometimes [re-post]...

my dear blog,


"i miss you...
not the miss like getting a relationship...
it’s just i miss you..."

-robyn-
how i met your mother

::#nowlistening to sometimes by ash::


*post*

Colourama 2010 [091010 is the day to remember!!]

my dear blog,

Colourama 2010 - Promo Video from Colourama Event on Vimeo.

Video by Fariz Hanapiah (motiofixo.com)

Welcome to the second installment of COLOURAMA (held biennially), an event dedicated to the best and brightest from the realm of 8bit music and its related disciplines. The event showcases the use of the former heavyweight champions of computing; Commodore 64 and Amiga, Atari ST and 2600, Nintendo Entertainment System and Game Boy - all this in the form of audiovisual experience.

This event was and still is the platform for chiptune music, the first and still the only one in Malaysia but done at an international standard. Not only we features the local heroes but also our regional and international comrades too! COLOURAMA is not just a place to exchange ideas between the musicians but also to expose our kind of music, no matter how niche to new audience.

COLOURAMA has always been about combining the music and visuals to give the audience a euphoric experience that intertwines the nostalgic and fresh feelings. It is after all; based on hey days of 8bit era (1982 – 1990) and we really mean it.

Our love for all things 8bit, from the games to its culture extends to the realisation of this event. It shows with our selection of musicians and visual artists. We will revisit the days where we were constantly challenging ourselves with technology limitations. As for 2010, we are bringing you the best from Malaysia, Indonesia, Singapore and France. Lo and behold!

For more info: colourama.asia



*post*

HIMYM...

my dear blog,

"i miss you...

not the miss like getting a relationship...

it’s just i miss you..."

-robyn-

how i met your mother

*post*

puasakah kita?

my dear blog,

agak lama tak update...

selamat berpuasa semua... recently aku mcm malas nak update sebab... sebab... haha takde sebab... sebb aku agak bz dgn grobok (bz la sgt) hahaha baru je lepas presentation dgn kementerian... result? haha entah tgh berdebar tunggu...

herm... bulan puasa... benda tak best selalu jadi kat aku nak dekat2 bulan puasa... (tak nak bukak buku lama) , tapi tahun nih alhamdulillah... semua nye ok... mungkin aku takde attach dgn siapa2 buat masa nih... aku rasa skang lagi better kot ahahhaha!! gile la dah nak masuk 2 taun single 'ready to mingle' haha part ready to mingle tu takde la sgt... tapi semua ok ok aje... aku malas nak komen byk2 sebb aku taknak benda yang aku cakap akan berbalik kat aku balik... yelah mcm karma... buat baik dibalas baik, buat jahat dibalas jahat... paling takut kalau benda tu jadi sebb tuhan kalau nak tunjukan kuasa-Nya sekali petik je jadi... lagi satu doa org2 yg teraniaya adalah doa yg paling makbul.. jadi stop hurting someone's heart (apa yg aku cuba buat dlm bulan puasa ni) dan juga buat yang berkenaan dan yg tak sewaktu dgn nya... ahahahaha! cubit kulit sendiri, sendiri rasala (ok, merepek!)

dlm dunia yg serba canggih sekarang, apa yg kita cuba sorok pasti akan diketahui juga... dah nama world wide web ... tak ke wide tuh? aku diam, dan lihat ajala.. semoga 'peristiwa' itu menjadi tauladan dan pengajaran... kehidupan kan satu pembelajaran untuk menjadi org yang berguna dan dewasa... jadi belajarla... dan jangan la kita terlalu lantang memberi statement tanpa mengambil kira org yg di inputkan statement tuh merasa kecil atau hancur hati nya... tak tergamak aku untuk tersenyum atau bertepuk tangan gembira.. aku cuma jadikan nya sebagai pengajaran kepada diri sendiri yang kita kena sedar tinggi rendah langit yang kita junjung dan sentiasa mengikut resam padi yg masak... just keep it low and be humble...

sekarang ni aku nak diam diam aje... silence audience... silence is bliss (some said) , aku doakan yg baik baik aje... sebb i've been there and i know how the feel to be in that place... sometimes kita kena turunkan ego kita, yelah just keep it down and be humble...

ok sebelum tahap merepek aku lebih berlanjutan dan mengundang kecil hati ke sesetengah pihak, better aku stop...

may this ramadhan be as bright as ever, may this ramadhan bring joy, health and wealth to you... happy ramadhan al mubarak.....


notakaki : aku tak bleh tido sebenarnya....


*post*

kula shaker...

my dear blog,

kalau ada yg cancel tak jadi pergi and nak jual ticket tu sila ym saya ye...

ym : farathebugbuster

thanking you in advance


Note : Nevermind, we decided not to go anyway :)


*post*

in the making...

my dear blog,




good times for a change
see, the luck I've had
can make a good man
turn bad

so please please please
let me, let me, let me
let me get what I want
this time

haven't had a dream in a long time
see, the life I've had
can make a good man bad

so for once in my life
let me get what I want
lord knows, it would be the first time
lord knows, it would be the first time


song: please please please let me get what i want
by the smiths


note: i need magic this time *pray hard*


*post*

once in a while, in my busy life... i do think about you... and all the fun and jokes that we used to laugh together...

my dear blog,

i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it (anywhere i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear no fate (for you are my fate,my sweet)
i want no world (for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

By E E Cummings


*post*

ahad...

my dear blog;

agenda : tennis inter-c games final (HP vs Shell)
location : PERMATA, bangi
situation : super nervous!!


+wish.me.luck+


*post*

the result...

my dear blog,

alhamdulillah..
we won today's match... the final will be on the next sunday... yeah yaw!


nota:kulit saya sudah kembali kelabu :(


*post*

8.3 hrs...

my dear blog,

location : PERMATA, bangi
agenda: inter-c shell tennis tournament

another 8.3 hrs... after so many years... i'm gonna meet the tennis court again... DEMMIT! i never feel so nervous like this before... ergh! i hope that everything will be ok... i hope that i still can hit the ball right and have the energy to run left and right of the court...

wish me luck!


*post*

one day, i'm gonna be a beautiful butterfly...

my dear blog;

when everything falls apart... we will think that, this is the end of the world... but just think about it... it's just a new beginning... a good beginning...

{smile}


note: i see rainbow today :)


*post*

busy mode [ON] ...

my dear blog;

pagi ini bila saya memandu ke office sengaja saya off kan penyaman udara, saya bukak tingkap luas2 biarkan kan angin pagi masuk… sejuk, tapi mcm ada satu rasa aman… mata ada sedikit pedih, mungkin sebb tak cukup tido, mana tak nya balik kerja semalam malam pon dah pukul 2.30 pagi, sekarang jam 7 pagi dah duduk di cubicle office… sejak akhir2 ni mmg agak sibuk, hectic sesaja… tapi takpe, saya suka busy, saya suka bila saya teramat amat busy so that I dun have to think the unnecessarily things… life will be much more easier… kalau boleh weekend pon nak keje… saya nak busy hari2… weekend ni pon saya buka meja berniaga di frinjan, setiap jumaat saya ada di tennis court di mmu, training… saya dah main tennis balik dan saya dah mula intai2 kelas music dan tgk schedule saya kalau boleh selit2 masa, tak tau la, mungkin nak sambung balik kelas piano yg dah terbengkalai sejak habis sekolah dulu atau belajar main alat music yang lain… tgk je la nanti… masih tak sure…

sekarang saya nak jadi satu, satu individu sahaja, dlm konteks individu tu hanya ada saya… saya seorang sahaja… kalau boleh saya mau kotak2 tarikh di organizer saya penuh dgn hal2 yang berkaitan dengan kerja… cukup lah semua input dan output yang memeningkan kepala saya selama ni… saya rasa berdiam diri adalah lebih baik…

i just want everything is in the right place and everyone is happy…


*post*

this one is for you...

my dear blog;

hai sayang.... marila kita pergi tengok wayang!

hahahaha... apala... anyway today (tgk jam dah masuk hari baru) ok, ok, actualy yesterday was my other half's birthday... sayam bayam, happy birthday la la la la la *hugs* - ini di taip di sms masa wish tadi- i'm so so so so soooooo sorry ye... sorry lambat wish, lately i'm damn busy.. kerja yang sangat ramai buat saya hilang ingatan seketika... tapi... TAPI! u tetap dlm hati i... kalau dgr mp3 yg penuh dgn lagu keepsake i tringat kat u... kalau nampak keta kancil kaler gold pon i tringat kat u... apa lagi? apa lagi? byk okeh!!! nak nak bila masa kita mcm tak ingat dunia travel sana sini ala last last minit... herph... dearie, deep inside u are the one who make me strong... I LOVE YOU VERY STRONG lah!!!!

Helda Shanaz Abd Halim, happy birthday!!!! *peluk kuat2*


*post*

the truth is, i'm freaking broke... please help me to pay my bills...

my dear blog;

the status for my YM starting last night… but the funny part was... a friend of mine… and we just met one time, itupon ramai2 and we don’t chat that much… i just say hi when i arrived at the cafe and bye when i left to home… but last night he buzzed me at YM and asked me

a friend of mine : kau nak bayar bill apa?
me : kenapa? kau nak tolong bayarkan ke? *gurau kering di pagi buta*
a friend of mine : bak account number kau, aku dah bukak maybank2u nih
me : err.. sila la beli baju, jgn kasik aku segan boleh tak
a friend of mine : apa nak segan.. what comes around goes around…
me : *aku bagi account number because i have this thought that he just joke around nak buat kelaka di pagi pagi buta*

a friend of mine : ok dah transfer sila pergi bayar bill

i was speechless and i can’t explain in words… oh dear… aku mmg tak sangka…

me : kenapa kau baik sangat?
a friend of mine : pergi bayar bill kau...

terima kasih kawan… nanti kalau grobok dah bukak aku kasik kau baju ye… kira kau beli baju dari aku la jugak ok…

pengajaran : kadang2 org yg kita tak brp kenal lagi baik dari org yg kita sgt sgt kenal dan kita ingat dia sgt baik *kenyit mata*


{please help me to pay my bills}


*post*

{help!}...

my dear blog;

the truth is, i'm freaking broke... please help me to pay my bills...

{enter}

thanking you in advance :)



*post*

green + yellow...

my dear blog;

"There is always the dream. It is that you will conquer your fears, and when it matters most you will find power you never had before." Ronaldo

yup! i never show that i have interest in football… i also not a sports channel subscriber with astro as i dun like to waste my money on the expensive pkg price... (mamak at cyber is the one who pay my sports channel now *wink*)


BUT! deep inside in my heart i’m a fan of brazil!…
go BRAZIL!! may the force be with you!!

samba!

*post*

if there’s a rewind button...

my dear blog;

date: 20th July 2009
i should turn the switch off from the beginning…



note:memangsayaseorangyangberkira!dude!youdisgustme!



*post*

just think about it...

my dear blog;

when you feel lost, just close your eyes and think about the happy moment... it's just a bliss...

:)


*post*

picture o'rama..

my dear blog,

dah lama blog ni takde gamba kan?


*post*

obsolete container...

my dear blog;

{you = right click + delete}

well, it's between you and god now
i'm gonna stop asking and talking...



*post*

in my shoes....

my dear blog;

"so you think you'd like to be in my shoes

would you like to try and walk a day in mine?"

+anouk - my shoes+

yup! just try to be in my shoes...

i dun like to nag to other people about my problems... but lies after lies been revealed... and all the stories that i've heard been told about me, i couldn't just keep quiet and let it be... i need to clean my name and stand up for myself... do you think i like to burden other people with my issues?, of course not... all this while i just kept quiet and pretend that i didn't know everything in front of you... do you know how hard i try to hide the pain?... but when it keeps coming i guess other people will do the same... just try to be in my shoes and you will know...

i know you are in the 'la la land' now... and you have other important things to think but i have mine too, other things to think... but when all the lies and stories have been revealed, i bet you will do the same... i just a human being and not a wonder woman... i dun have strong shield ...

just try to be in my shoes...



*post*

alhamdulillah...

my dear blog;


:)



*post*

a note to myself...

my dear blog;

"buat baik berpada - pada..." [senyum]

*post*

it's just another chapter, dun close the book yet, just turn the pages :)

my dear blog;

"bangun fara! jangan tido lagi!!!"

hectic! the only word to explain what is happening along the week... kesibukan di office yang tak pernah ada button pause... the competition to be a better staff buat otak aku jadi penat, kadang2 tak terkejar... tapi selagi ada peluang aku akan cuba sehabis baik...

ye saya sudah pulang ke malaysia... dah 1 week dah... everything was amazing... the priceless experience that i couldn't pay...

balik2 dari cuti mcm2 benda terjadi... but i guess itu semua dugaan dugaan dari tuhan yg perlu aku tempuhi satu, satu... takpe... it's just a phase for me to be a better person... a lesson to be learnt... aku pernah hadapai benda lagi besar dari ini, tapi aku mampu go through every single bit of it and i know this time aku juga boleh... dugaan dugaan ni buat aku lebih bersedia dan lebih matang *senyum* dun get me wrong i'm not pointing my finger to anyone it's just a note to myself...

at this point, i just want to be a good daughter to my mom and dad, a daughter to be proud of... it's time to push the 'stop' button... enough with the worthless fun, it's time for me to focus for my future... i have carrier, i have important business project and other priority to think of... i dun need other distraction to make me weak...

saya nak jadik anak yang baik untuk abah dan mak saya dan kawan yang di sayangi di kalangan kawan kawan saya... kalau semua itu termakbul saya dah tak perlu apa apa dah *senyum*



*post*

leaving the country...

my dear blog;

for a week... perth here i come... can't wait to wear all the amazing winter clothes... high cut boot, beret, leather jacket tanpa rasa ketiak berpeluh deras... oh i love 4 season country... goodbye malaysia, hello perth... *wink*


*post*

how far do you know...how much is too much?...

my dear blog,

bila semua sudah tak tertampung... dan melampaui batas... manusia biasa pon boleh bertukar jadi makhluk hijau... amarah yg tak terbendung... bila kesabaran di cabar... bila rasa diri dipijak mcm benda yg tak bernilai...

i've done something bad today... and i've used the harsh word to someone and i'm not happy with that... but what can i say... manusia ada paras dan level kesabaran masing masing... aku tak pernah segarang begini... tapi hari ini aku sendiri mcm tak kenal diri sendiri.... bila kita cuba untuk terangkan keadaan dlm keadaan tenang tapi setiap ayat dipotong tanpa diberi peluang... mmg melampaui batas kesabaran...

salah kah meminta hak kita? bukan niat untuk menagih nagih... pada mulanya peranan kita hanya sebagai si 'pemberi' dan tiba2 bila kita mahukan hak kita kembali kenapa kita kena mainkan peranan sebagai si 'penerima'? meminta minta... dan kita pula yg digelar si 'penerima' yang menagih dan memeras... this is too much!

lama aku termenung... aku tak mahu 'situasi situasi' itu menukarkan aku menjadi seorang yang garang dan tak berasas... aku mahukan diri aku yang dulu... seriously, i'm not proud with what i've done today... aku jadi sedih bila keadaan menjadi keruh dari yang sepatutnya...


*post*

redemption...

my dear blog;

alhamdulillah...

bila tuhan tutup satu pintu untuk kita, dia akan buka pintu yang lain, yang mungkin lagi bagus dari yang lepas... yesterday's phone called dari mak betul2 buat aku rasa tak sabar utk tunggu apa yang dirancang menjadi kenyataan... alhamdulillah...

and i know, everything gonna be ok... semua akan berada di landasan nye kembali... and me, i'm gonna make sure all my plans menjadi seperti yang di rancang... dan terus percaya, bila kita buat baik dengan orang, one day kita akan dapat redemption yang baik juga dari tuhan...


*post*

phase four... {the last phase}

my dear blog;

;-)

"menarilah dan terus tertawa
walau dunia tak seindah surga
bersukurlah pada yang kuasa
cinta kita di dunia

selamanya..."

-nidji-

*post*

phase three...

my dear blog;

i should come out and face the sunlight... thus, i pack my backpack... heading to an island...

perhentian kecil revisiting...

p/s: i start to eat something today... a good sign huh?



*post*

phase two...

my dear blog;

"engkau mmg seorg yg pandai menipu
dan menghancurkan hidup yang begitu indah,
begitu indah..."
-by short term memory-

the hardest phase, the phase that you are trying to wake up from long sleep and keep telling to yourself that everything will be ok and you are doing the right thing... i should take advice from frens few months ago when they said "he just treat you as a friend with benefits"... yah my fault, i should listen to them but there's no way to turn back time... sekarang, aku tak perlu fikir benda benda yang dah lepas, aku ada tanggungjawab untuk benda benda yang akan dtg... i know i can get through this... yang selebih nya aku serah pada tuhan, tuhan itu maha adil... things happen with a reason... karma pasti akan menjalankan tugasnya...

p/s: i fucking hate you!

*post*

phase one...

my dear blog;

have you watched sex and the city? not the sex part la, but the part that carrie choose to sleep and avoiding sun light during her vacation at mexico, when her heart was hurt so bad... that's what i want to do right now, i just want to sleep 24x7, cover all my window with dark curtain, switch off my mobile and stay away from the outside world... especially FB!

the part that carrie decided to switch on her phone and once the phone was on, she heard mr.big's voice through the voicemail and she threw the phone into the sea... i cried everytime i watched that part... i can feel her emotions that time...

i thought i dun have to get through this again since the last 1 year plus tragedy... but hey! here i am... again... i thought it is easy as it is suppose to be... but i know it's just a matter of time... i just need to get busy... and i will be ok....


*post*

to let go...

my dear blog;

it's been the hardest week for me... a sad week... a week that i give all my best to think positive... i don't know what you've told them about me... but it's ok because god knows everything... i just need to stay calm and smile... i gave all my all to be there whenever you need help... without saying the word 'NO', i dun have to list them because i bet you are adult enough to think...

gosh! i just hope i have strength to be strong and act like nothing had happen... but this is not my game... anyway, you will be ok without me...

you are probably the best thing that ever happen to me, but i guess we should stay as what a friend should be...

to let go someone that you are really love is hard, but if this is for their own good and happiness, it's ok to sacrifice...


*post*

beyond limitation...

my dear blog;

sabar itu ada had nya... jgn sampai satu hari nanti hati aku mati... aku ada pride, jangan buat aku sembarang sembarang... ergh! how i wish i have the guts to open my mouth to tell the truth beneath those lies... sampai demam2 aku fikir benda nih for the whole tiring week... otak aku dah penat, jantung aku sakit sebb tahan kan sedih dan marah... selagi aku boleh bertahan, aku bertahan... tapi itulah, jangan sampai hati aku mati...


*post*

lets...

my dear blog;

if this is the game that you wanna play... bring it on!... but seriously, i dun need to try or play hard... i just need to stand silently, watching or let myself lost... and smile... i dun need to bring a whole team like you... it's just me.. just laugh at me if you want to, because at the end of the game i know i will have my big, wide victory smile...


*post*

bullet proof... i wish i was...

my dear blog;

"limb by limb and tooth by tooth...

tearing up inside of me...

everyday, everyhour, wish that I was..

was bullet proof..."

{sebak}



aku kalah!



aku kalah menahan air mata jatuh hari ini.... dugaan besar sungguh...

aku mengangkat kedua tangan... aku mengaku kalah... tak tertahan rasanya... hati, jantung aku luluh... tak pernah aku rasa kecewa yg mcm ini... aku kalah... terduduk aku, diam... tanpa suara air mata aku jatuh...



hari ini aku akan tekan butang 'stop'...
jangan risau, aku akan tetap menjadi seorang kawan yang baik...



dan untuk mereka,
aku maafkan mereka sebb mereka tidak tahu apa apa...
dan kalau tahu pun pasti jalan cerita nya sudah berbeza...



*post*

the escape...

my dear blog;

after working my ass off for the whole tiring month, yesterday's Placebo show and a kara'tak'oke session after work today really make me forget all the stress at work and daily life... two amazing days yang buat aku lupa pada all the mess inside my head, the choice that i have to make, the misprinted lies, being invisible, the fight to survive, just everything!... otak jadi kosong dan lega sebentar... *phew!*


*post*

futterwacken dance mode on....

my dear blog;

everything is back on track... i guess... i just need to smile more and start counting the day... Perth, here i commmmmeeeeeeee~!!!

[sambil buat Futterwacken dance]



*post*

akulah penyabar yang tegar....

my dear blog;

terasa palat sangat bila diperbodohkan... serius palat!


*post*

p.e "pe", n.a.t "nat", penat!...

my dear blog;

penat... byk jenis... penat kerja (semestinya) penat sebb asyik tido jek (yup! ada gak kes nih)... tapi penat kali ni penat lain...

penat #1:
penat untuk jadi visible... bila kita dah cuba sampai tahap kedelapan, tapi kita masih invisible.... yang mungkin nilai kita kurang kalau dibanding yang lain... sampai satu tahap kita rasa kita dah malas dan mcm nak tarik diri, tapi, kita tak boleh... penat bila kita berusaha jadi pendengar setia... tapi bila giliran kita mau suara kita, aduan kita di dengari, org yg di harapkan tiada emosi... yup! kita masih invisible... tapi, terang2 tidak pada orang lain... ini jelas bila setiap masa kita hanya dengar kebaikan tentang pihak di sana... dia mcm ni, dia mcm tu, best gila dia ni... kita? "maaf saya tidak nampak kamu", mungkin itu jawapan di hati... rupanya baru kita tau, yang kita ni cuma orang 'biasa biasa'...

penat #2:
bila orang asing yang kita tak perlu, datang menjajah di sudut selesa kita... tempat bermain kita yang sangat kita sukai jadi tempat yang paling tak selesa buat kita... haish! saya paling tak suka drama swasta... sila buat drama di tempat lain.... boleh?

penat #3:
nak kasi orang faham kedudukan kita, ketidakselesaan kita, sampai kita takut nak bersuara... terusnya... kita ikut kan aja kehendak mereka... anggukan kepala ajalah dari melarat jadi isu semasa...

mungkin penat-penat tu bukan aku je yang rasa, semua org rasa... yelah sape yang tak penat ye tak? bionic la kalau tak penat... cuma kadang2 kita perlukan ruang atau cuba untuk bukak mulut cakap benda yang kita penat pada org yang buat kita penat... tapi sebb kita suka jaga hati orang, kita senyum kan aja... atau mungkin orang itu orang asing, kita pula bukan jenis yang nak tanpa segan silu kasik nota buat teguran atau kita rasa tiada untung nya kalau kita jadi peramah tak bertempat, jadi kita lihat dan tonton ajalah... macamana ek, nak ada guts nak kasitau orang yang kita tak suka itu dan tidak boleh untuk ini, sebb kita tau bila kita cakap, kita kena marah balik... mmg tanggungjawab kita ek untuk jaga hati semua orang? tapi hati kita macamana? penat kan?


*post*

a thank you note [ll] ...

my dear blog;

yesterday was a hectic day at office, i have to work until 1.30am on my birthday night!!!... sharp at 12 midnight, i received smses full of sweet birthday wish (thanks to all *smile*) but... except from someone... the person who quiet close to me (helda, you are the 'closest' one, dun worry, you are still my number 1 ahaha!) 1.30 am, i started to pack my stuff get ready to go back, still, no sign of sms from that person... i keep looking at my phone even though i know the phone is not vibrating or ringing... so i guess there's no wish from that person... i drove to home and rejected my office mate invitation to lepak at azwath because i have no mood to celebrate at all... and Mono was the cd that i played to layan my sad feelings (sedih gile, konon layan mono nak tambah sedihla... fara emo!) 2 am, i parked my car, still no sign of sms... so, that's it, mungkin dah tido... takpe adalah tu... later, maybe... aku berjalan lesu ke pintu apartment ku (ewah!) ... bukak pintu...

*tarik napas*

an amazing moment! quite a shock! someone holding a cake and sang a birthday song, a lil bit out of tune (yeah! not a good singer! hahahah!) but cukup buat aku terharu, yang kononnya nak emo terus tak jadik! hahahahhah!... auwwww!!! you such a [s + w + e + e + t] darl!!! the unexpected one, as always...

thank you so much! eventhough to some people this is nothing but this is 'something' for me... and i will remember this as a note to myself... one of the amazing moment in my life *smile*

ingatkan nak masak masak lagi.. ahah! demand tinggi! -ed


*post*

a thank you note...

my dear blog,

terima kasih byk2 kepada yg dtg dan membeli... sgt2 menghargai.. insyaallah bulan depan kami akan buka lagi... it was an amazing experience!... online store will be up soon... i wish i can buy time...

thanks again... :)



*post*

bila tokey kedai dah bercakap [ll] ...

my dear blog,



hey! hey!... AGAIN! yup! sekali lagi!... we gonna open a stall at Frinjan's event... with new stocks from japan, korea and our own frens wardrobe too! (hahahha!)... pre-loved to new love, vintage to brand new, small size to plus size you name it!... from shoes to bags... and cute accessories too!...

where?
dataran shah alam

when?
this saturday (6th february) from 5pm - 11pm

be there or be square!... so, mark you calendar... see you there! *hugs*


nota kaki : kindly spread this around. thanks :)



*post*

back to the la la land...

my dear blog,

when I open my email today, at the inbox indicator shows that there’s one unread email… but when I check at the first page of the email list all has been read… ahhhh, must be spam mail… biasa nya mmg cenggitu, tetiba ada terselit selit tgh2 the outdated email… so i click at the very 1st page where the 1st email received was there… here goes the memory lane… without me realize, i started to read the email one by one… it’s starts from the happy moment until the ‘so not happy moment’… daripada ‘aku’ , ‘kau’ sampai la ke ‘the special name :)’… but yeah, all those memories had taught me what the real life is… but honestly I miss all the good things with that email sender… I hope you are doing well out there… and good luck with everything dear friend… *smile*


*post*

freaking climax!!! [II] ...

my dear blog;

MONO, was fucking awsome!!! a good opening from deepset is a plus... yup! MONO was superb! a worth show to go... and... Yoda, i love you! ngeeeeeeeee!!!


*post*

ka+nga+roo...

my dear blog;

someone texted me from bali... told me bout all the good things during the vacation and now he's at the airport... waiting... for boarding... to jakarta!!!... okeh! i'm bloody jealous... how i wish i could leave my work at office and fly there... ah, nevermind... May is coming anyway... and here goes my turn... and i'm starting to be a huge fan of kangaroo and koala now! hahahahha!!!


nota kaki: i'm+in+love+with+the+cd+that+u+left...



*post*

this is how it works...

my dear blog;



"This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath"

- Regina Spektor [On The Radio] -


*post*

!

my dear blog;

what i feel right now, i couldn't translate in words... i can't imagine that u have this idea to label me as 'that'... how i wish i have this apportunity to slap your face damn fucking hard so that you will wake up and realise that what u have done was extremely bad... i try so hard not to hate you... but i guess this time i fail... i'm fucking trust you, and always support you when u need one... but it seems all of them are just a fucking junk to you... if your fucking 'pride' and 'status' are more important, then you can go to the fucking hell!!!


*post*

starry night..

my dear blog;

i put the nicest dress...
had dinner at the nicest place...

happy birthday to you...
a post birthday celebration...

and i know u try to be nice yesterday...
and i would like to say thank you...

happy belated birthday dear, may all ur dreams come true...



*post*

here goes my first cry for 2010…

my dear blog;

location : office
reason : stress with work... the expectation is ridiculous... the humiliation is so unacceptable...

*sigh*

all i need now is Swanson’s ice cream :(



*post*

on the jet plane...

my dear blog;

i'm off to singapore until Sunday... have a great weekend!!! :)


*post*

respect and trust...

my dear blog;

+ everyone needs somebody to respect and trust,
but can your friends always respect and trust you? +

respect and trust, two major things that are really important in any kind of relationship, among friends, among lovers, among parents, among siblings... once they ruined the trust that you gave, it will impact the quality of 'respect' as well... without respect and trust, the ‘relationship’ itself will be a totally bullshit… just think about it...

note: quote (edited) via toasterpeanutbutter


*post*

a sad week [II] ...

my dear blog;

it's a sad sad sad week for me... like a seriously sad... the kinda sad that i couldn't explain in words... the inner feeling that i can't show with my face expression... the feel is so damn deep... that i couldn't reach to cure it... what am i doing all this while... i put myself to a place that i should not be... i hope this gonna be gone soon... as faster as the wind blow... without me notice that it's over, full stop, a dot... all i need to know, when i wake up, i already at the different world with a different new life...

+ i'm at the freeway now... it's up to me to turn to which exit... +

*post*

a sad week...

my dear blog;

it's a sad week to me...

semoga roh wan (nenek) berada di tempat org2 yg beriman... *amin*...


*post*

the ugly truth is

my dear blog;

i was born to be a savior and my middle name is

+ s a c r i f i c e +

A sacrifice you make today
Will never ever be gone
A sacrifice you make today
Will soon be passed on

A sacrifice you make today
Will stay in many hearts
A sacrifice you make today
Help many play their parts

A sacrifice you make today
Will never be forgotten
A sacrifice you make today
Will never be mistaken

A sacrifice you make today
May even change history
A sacrifice you make today
May be kept in someone’s memory

A sacrifice you make today
Might light someone’s day up
A sacrifice you make today
Might fill someone’s dry cup

A sacrifice you make today
Will always be treasured
A sacrifice you make today
Will always be remembered

note: poem via Anders Lim

*post*

mumbling the mumble...

my dear blog;

kerja...

semakin strict, semakin stress... setitik silap pon takbleh nak kompromi... hari hari balik rasa risau, kalau kalau esok ada silap yang dijumpa... sejak dua menjak rasa mcm hati tak tenang, kenapa eh?... kerja kah?... entah la...

high expectation...
aku pada diri sendiri, takut tak tercapai jek... nanti mesti sedih...

a good listener...
that's what i need now... are you?

:(


*post*

a reminder for you...

my dear blog;

+ saya mau ini untuk ulang tahun saya yang bakal tiba +

"please... please... pleasssseeeee..." hahahahha!

note:lagu nih dah berada dlm kepala sejak beberapa minggu yang lalu... adehh!



*post*

i was born to be a miss take...

my dear blog;

+ the sky belongs to the stars +

note: picture via LoMo

*post*

bila dah mula bercakap dengan dinding....

my dear blog;

agak stress dengan kerja... kalau dulu ada je biro pengaduan yang setia dengar rungutan rungutan aku... cakap la pasal apa, dia akan dengar, response lepas tuh buat lawak sengal... walaupun aku call lewat malam, tapi itu dulu, beberapa tahun dulu, jadi tak perlula ungkit citer dulu... gile tak best...

seriously, dua tiga menjak ni aku rasa mcm tak larat... tgk surat2 komitmen minta di totalkan jumlah angka angka... itu tak kira yg bakal di tambah untuk tahun depan... haish... aku pernah berbual pasal tujuan berkerja dengan a friend of mine... kita kerja untuk bayar komitmen, kita kerja utk kurangkan jumlah angka yang kita perlu hadap setiap bulan... sampai bila?... puaskah dengan kerja kita sekarang? tentula tak puas... manusia itukan dilahirkan dengan rasa yang tak pernah puas... lepas satu satu yang di mahu... tapi seriously aku pernah terfikir utk migrate... cuma tak cukup guts aja... dulu, 2 tahun dulu hampir dapat, interview sampai 5 level, sampai ke level 5, entah mana silapnya kompeni tuh senyap jek... kalau tak dah di UK aku... mungkin aku buat tak sepenuh hati sebb fikirkan pasal org lain... haish... dah! jgn nak salahkan org...

2010? sudah dilevel manakah aku?... kerja? life? aku rasa dah sampai masa untuk rangka strategi baru... kena rombak semua benda... dah la baik tido melalut sampai ke pagi pon tak guna... esok ada 2 extraction, tak tau mcmana nak layan dengan system yang slow mcm siput, opis jek baru kaler purple bagai... tapi... haishhhhh... esok kena semangat berlebihan... bak kata biro pengaduan aku dulu "hadapi dengan senyuman"... aku tau, cliche kan? bosan...


*post*

between those lines...

my dear blog;

i’ve been nice these days… not taking seriously about everything that i saw and knew… so i choose to keep it to myself and give you time to open your mouth and tell me what had happen actually or what’s happening now… because i know making assumption is not good at all… and i want to hear it from you, yourself… not from other people and not from that bloody world wide web…

one day we need to have a serious talk about this… until now, neither me nor you, know what we are doing right now…

*post*

if i just have another 1 day...

my dear blog;

(500) days of summer... i'm so in LURVE with that movie... and i have my own reason for that... other than that, the soundtrack... yang rata rata berlatar belakang kan the smiths... sangat lazat... sedang sibuk dengan kerja yang memenatkan... tiada masa nak browse for the full track of the soundtrack... ada yang sudah ketemu? share la link...

"do you like me? like me as friend? just friend? i like you, and i would like to be your friend..." - (500) days of summer

*post*

the dilemma of being repulsed...

my dear blog;



everhear the expression "damned if you do, damned if you dont?" ... it's the dilemma of being repulsed by something and attracted to it at the same time... like with coffee... people drink it for the taste, the buzz, the sensation of holding a warm mug in their chubby little hands, or even because sipping the stuff makes them feel intellectual... some people can't even begin their days without it... but there's the downside... caffein headaches when they don't get enough, yellowed teeth if they drink to much... it's a turn-on and an aggraution all at once... sort of the things that we know if we keep on doing it over and over again, it will cause you trouble... but deep inside you are in denial... and you know u will get hurt one day... and you keep repeating the same mistakes again... and because i have this stupid dumb ass brain... and i'm not smart enough to think or maybe... maybe i refuse to think... i keep on drinking 'caffein'...

yup!... guys, 'caffein' is not good for your health...

trust me!



*post*

honey in the sun ...

my dear blog;

:)



camera obscura
honey in the sun...


*post*

freaking climax!!!

my dear blog;

"ever changing, growing, and searching
through stretches of time beyond life and death
this is the journey that every soul makers,
my journey always brings me to
the place between wake and sleep,
a landscape of memories,
where you and i meet again and again,
even in the darkest night, in the heaviest storm,
i always find my way back to you,
when you remember, please come back to the place we both know..."

the battle to heaven
mono

mono is coming back to town... yup! live in KL next year... i just can't WAIT!!!

*post*

erk!

My dear blog;

baru aku prasan, aku update blog hari hari...

wahhmuhahahhahahhaha!!! gila drama!!!



*post*

redemption song...

my dear blog;

kalau aku diberi pilihan, aku memilih utk ada time machine so that aku boleh putar masa untuk tidak make a move seperti mana yang telah aku buat dulu... tapi itu sangat cliche lah!... a fren of mine kata, benda benda tu semua is part of learning curve untuk hidup kita to become a better person... tapi aku cakap kat dia, mcm dah byk learning curve yang aku lalu... nak jugak aku rehat kejap utk graduate from those sickening learning curve tu... dia jeling aku, aku tau dia tak suka...

recently, aku selalu rujuk chapter chapter learning curve hidup aku pada dia... dia dengar, angguk, diam, response... jarang aku dengar reponse dia sebab aku mmg dilahirkan 'sedikit' degil... tapi kali ni aku mcm sedikit setuju... walaupun a fren of mine cakap aku kena setuju semua apa yang dia kata...

aku dah bosan dengan semua benda benda kat sekeliling aku sekarang... benda yang sama berulang ulang... dah pergi, datang balik... dah datang, pergi balik... it's like a never ending story... a fren of mine cakap hati aku kaler pink!... hahah... dia kata aku baik sangat, cepat forgive and forget... aku diam... tapi aku tak cakap sebenarnya kaler hati aku bukan pink... it's just aku percaya yang... satu hari aku akan dapat redemption utk semua kebajikan kebajikan percuma yang aku buat pada dia, dia dan dia...

aku pandang muka a fren of mine, aku cakap perlahan "takpelah... one day, i believe one fine day... aku akan dapat redemption yang aku tunggu tunggu... tuhan akan turun kan dia dari langit... untuk aku..."


*post*

tidak sihat...

my dear blog;

masih demam . otak penat . need vacation

{ruang makin sempit dan aku perlu space}


i need a break!



*post*

it's about time! and i mean NOW!

my dear blog;

sempit . sesak . senak {itu yang hati aku rasa sekarang}

a friend of mine beritahu aku yang aku perlu hentikan apa yang aku sedang buat sekarang... kalau dulu aku degil dan aku yakin aku mampu merubah keadaan... tapi jelas kalau berusaha seorang saja takan menjadi...

jelas jelas depan mata je, tapi aku tak nampak atau buat buat tak nampak... jadi aku rasa usaha sia sia aku nih aku harus hentikan, tarik handbreak... tak payah nak toleh toleh belakang...

a friend of mine juga kata... dengan jelas usaha aku mmg sia sia kalau terpaksa berurusan dengan orang yang takda hati... yang hanya tahu nilai kau itu ini... tapi diri sendiri?...

a friend of mine juga dah berkali kali ingatkan aku... jangan! jangan! jangan!... sudah! sudah! sudah!... dan aku rasa ini la masa nya... hentikan segala usaha menjaga hati orang yang tak tau nak appreciate kita...

yeah! it's about time...
and i guess this is the perfect time...



nota kaki : masih lagi mendengar shining light - ash tanpa henti


*post*

shining light...

my dear blog;

how weird it is when i keep listening to Shining Light – Ash, over and over again… for 2 days without fail... only this one song in my itunes track...

herph… i guess it’s about time…


*post*

congratulation!!!

my dear blog;

congratulation on your new born WTC 6766... *smile*


*post*

UPDATE!

my dear blog;

18 more days to go for the FEEL GOOD show of the year!!! and the close date for NUFAN’s (No Use For A Name) pre sale tickets is just around the corner!!!… HURRY!!! get your own ticket now before it’s too late!!!… kindly call 0163955285 and the ticket price is RM65… *jeritan senada ala ala iklan KAMDAR*

*post*

who's who?

my dear blog;

whose house, are you haunting tonight?

whose sheets you twist

whose face you kiss

oh!

whose house are you hauting tonight?

note: ok go!


*post*

NUFAN (No Use For A Name) pre sales ticket...

my dear blog;

kindly call [digi]3955285 for NUFAN (No Use For A Name) pre sales ticket.

ticket price: RM65

hurry!!! tickets are limited… i REPEAT!! tickets are LIMITEDDDD!!!... *aura bunyi bergema*


*post*

...

my dear blog,

silence . sunyi . sepi

it's been a month...



*post*

No Use For A Name live in KL!!!

my dear blog;

date: 18 Oct 2009
location: KL Live (x-ruums)
ticket: RM 65 (pre-sale) RM 75 (door)

a good news indeed!!!!... be there guys!!!...


*post*

yup! agree with this...

my dear blog,

"if something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds...

then it's probably not worth knowing anyway"

-calvin and hobbes-

*post*

Q&A...

my dear blog;

jason: how long did it take to fall in love?
orked: a minute....

- Sepet-


me: how long did it take to over it? a blink? *sigh*


*post*

Lenka @ OU...

my dear blog;

it was a blast... luckily a dear fren of mine agree to company me that day... owe you one dude!... here goes the pics... just enjoy the show... *smile*

"i wanna be free

i wanna be new and different..."

-Lenka-

*post*

tolong lah!

my dear blog;

please... please... please... don't be a denial will ya?... u make me sick!!! stop asking me the question that you already had the answer...

sabar itu ada had nya... jangan sampai satu hari nanti hati aku mati!... even though it's already halfway dead!


*post*

angin pagi...

my dear blog;

bila aku memandu pagi ni, sengaja aku off air cond dan turun kan tingkap kereta... aku ingin menikmati angin pagi... aku perlukan 'silence' dan angin pagi... aku harap angin pagi boleh 'sejuk' kan aku... all this 'situation' has turned me to become a harsh person... i need to cool down a bit... because this is not really me... why on earth i become like this... fara, tenang tenang ok...

"i'm sorry and dun mean to be harsh..."


*post*

let it be...

my dear blog;


sudah 2hb Ogos, masa cepat berlalu.... at one moment you are some one's special then one moment you are no longer needed... and another one moment you decide not to have any connection with that person anymore... time changed... so do people... you change... i change too... so you can't expect much... maybe it's normal... maybe it's not... maybe you need changes so that you can be a better person... i've made a huge sacrifice... a huge decision so that i don't have to think what might happen next... and i have to be firm this time... a fren told me that i always think about other people's heart... just swallow and act like that is ok... which is NOT!... and ignore my heart... so now, it's time for me to take care of my own heart... do what ever i wanna do, just be me... firm with the decision that i've made... stop thinking what might happen next... just let it be... yup! let it be....


*post*

it is because what’ve said is done….

my dear blog;

i will be fine... it's just a matter of time... that's the only thing i keep telling to myself everyday when i wake up from sleep... because i know mourn and regrets for what had happen doesn't help at all... things will get worst... i have to be strong... really strong this time... *sigh*

masa, cepatlah berlalu...
sabar dan sabar sebab benda yg jadi ada hikmahnya...


note: i'm sorry if lately i treat you badly... i just need more times to be alone...


*post*

drama o' rama...

my dear blog;

all i have to do now is just smile and enjoy the show… i bet this will be the best drama ever - the unreleased one!

yup! i still hate fucking LIAR


*post*

pelik tapi benar...

my dear blog;

ok, now i'm confused... pelik tapi benar?...


*post*

it's too late...

my dear blog;

it's too late to turn away... the rest of us... move on... 

*post*

demam...

my dear blog;

hari ni aku bangun dgn satu perasaan pelik... rasa mcm kehilangan... dan dalam masa yg sama aku rasa kepala aku berat, badan sakit sakit, hidung mata terasa panas... sah! aku demam... dengan mata sembab aku ke telephone rumah, aku dail satu number... a huge relief after the long conversation… thanks dear friend, i owe u one… then aku semacam sedar, this is not the end, hidup perlu diteruskan just smile and enjoy the life while you still have the time…

received sms from dad:

abah: kak, sabtu ini kita ke PD kakak ikut tak?
aku : orang demam, takut tak larat nak drive.
abah: kakak demam. Datang ke PD, kita tidur pada malam ahad, semua ada, bang ain, bang jo, adik. APT telah di booking.

aku baca dgn berkerut, cuba nak faham… perasan tak struktur bahasa abah aku tuh… hahahaha agakla kan… bekas cikgu sastera tingkatan 6 atas punya bahasa mmg macam tu kot… haha … aku tak jawab, aku takut dia perasan anak perempuan dia yang sorang ni tengah hati tidak tenang… aku takut nak pergi, dengan mata sembab segala… tapi sempat jugak aku gelak baca sms dia… then aku reply:

aku: tgk la kalau org larat nak drive.

few mins after that, mak plak call, mcm tau tau jek… tanya kan khabar aku semua… “are you ok?” aku terus sebak… aku cerita semua… then mak reply “i dun mind if u suka org rambut panjang ke, org lagi muda ke, tak hensem ke or apa apa ajala, as long as u r happy and dia mampu and ada future”… aku diam jek, tahan sebak… my super cool mom, mak mmg cool even though kat luar dia nampak mcm agak konservatif tapi… inside, she’s damn cool… dia mmg tak kisah and memilih... dia mmg nak anak perempuan sorg dia nih happy… pada dia yang lain tak penting, yang penting aku happy... tapi aku mcm sedikit fail dlm hal hal mcm nih… aku diam jek… conversation end dgn last word dari dia “just take care of yourself… i’ll see you at PD”

[diam]

aku termenung, aku bangga aku ada family yg sangat under standing… even though recently aku mcm ada sedikit distance dengan diorg tapi my mom especially semacam ada instinct yang kuat, every time aku rasa down automatic dia akan call… so i should thank to god that my life is not that bad at all… semuanya bergantung pada diri aku sendiri, aku kena kuat dan aku ada kawan kawan yang selalu support aku dari belakang… yes! this is not the end… this is just a good beginning… *senyum*


*post*

staring at the fucking dead monitor…

my dear blog;

here i am at the office… staring at the monitor and obviously, my heart, my soul are not here with me… at this moment i just look at the bright side… maybe it’s better that way… maybe this is just a life journey to make me to be a better person… or maybe there's a story behind the reason given... i don't know and don't give a damn... and i don't want to think about it now... i just need space to make myself clear with this shit... but seriously, through sms??!!! *blugrh*

shit happen sometimes… and i don't want against the nature and wish for a time machine so that i can turn back time and fix everything... yup, no need to blame anyone here... not your fault anyway... maybe 'dah takde rezeki' - typical word for giving up... just let it be... oh ya! lets be friend and have a group hug!

ergh! i wish i had enough strength to go through this…


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lain...

my dear blog;

breath in.... breath out.... [pause]

things are different now... don't you think??


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hati, tabah la...

my dear blog;

i hope i can fix everything and put it nicely in place... and everyone is happy and i don't have to make any choice... but i know, sooner or later, have to make one... and i don't want to be selfish... 

"aku tau, bila dia pergi 

aku pasti akan rindu dia...."

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little miss grumpy...

my dear blog;

not enough sleep, ‘sucky’ morning shift has turn me to an irate person… please bare with me… i’m sorry if I accidentally hurt someone’s heart… but do please understand my situation as I’m not a morning person and i’m trying so fucking hard to adapt with the shift life pattern… and maybe i will not satisfy or full fill your request or demand as what u want… but this is only for temporary… after two weeks when I’m in the evening shift I will be the normal fara…

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